My gift from God

-a maidenly love story or a family story without relations

2000 © Katta

PART 2

A few weeks later, sister Ruth was called into mother Helen’s study. Many of the other nuns were also there, among them sister Martha, who walked to and fro and seemed very upset.
“Sit down, sister”, said mother Helen. When sister Ruth had obeyed her, she added: “I understand that you take a certain interest in Ike McSwain.”
“Yes”, said sister Ruth, “I suppose so…”
Mother Helen sighed. She seemed reluctant to continue.
“It has been suggested - not for the first time - that it might be best to send the boy to some asylum.”
“What!?” Sister Ruth rose from her chair. “Why on earth would you want to do something like that?”
“It’s not as if we wanted it”, answered the abbess. “It’s a question of wheather or not he can get by here.”
“Well, it’s always worked out before, hasn’t it?” objected sister Ruth, who still couldn’t believe what was said.
“Until all of a sudden he decides to fight someone”, said sister Renata, who found this a proper time to enter the discussion. Sister Ruth turned to her like a roaring lioness.
“You’re just mad at him because he made your pretty face bleed. But believe me, I’ll do the same to you if any of this is your idea.”
“Ruth!” Mother Helen was shocked.
“Was it her idea?”
“I have no obligation to tell you that. Now, sit down!”
At this point, sister Martha stopped and turned to her superior.
“Which fight is this about? The one over the ribbon or the one over Buck?”
“Well”, said mother Helen and shrugged, “they’re not the only ones. But I really couldn’t call every boy mad who chooses to use his fists.”
“No, only if he can’t object to it”, said sister Martha bitterly and started to walk around the room again.
“Will you stop that, you’re distracting me!” The abbess put her chin in her hand. “Nothing is decided yet. I’ve called this meeting to get every point of view that I can. I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but I’m in charge of eighteen nuns and almost two hundred children. I cannot possibly have first hand information on everyone. Is that clear? Now, I have been told that Buck Cross has gotten an influence on Ike that may not be positive.”
“They’ve made friends!” shouted sister Martha. “Since when is that forbidden?”
Mother Helen continued without paying any attention to the interruption:
“This has been added to what has been said in previous discussions of this kind, that is, that Ike is retarded and not responsible for his actions, and that he may require extra care.”
“Care? Is that what you call it?”
“Martha, will you please stop yelling at me?”
“Well, I think they’re sweet together”, said sister Bridget timidly. “If my opinion matters.”
“Of course it matters. Go on.”
“It’s just as sister Martha said, really. They made friends. They don’t have many other friends - any other friends, come to think of it. I don’t think it’s bad influence. I’ve never seen either of them so happy.”
“I’ll tell you one thing!” said sister Ruth, who finally got her head together. “If you send that boy away, it’ll be over my dead body! I’ll chain myself to him if I have to, watch over him day and night and resist anyone who tries to take him away from me.”
“Very well, you don’t have to be so melodramatic.”
“Doesn’t she?” Sister Martha wasn’t yelling anymore, her voice was low and fierce. “Have you ever been to one of them places? I have. I worked there for a month - that was as long as I could stand it. All those unhappy people
locked up behind bars, and if any of them dared to cry they were tied to their beds, or shut into a dark, empty room all alone, or thrown into a freezing cold bathtub where they lay for hours and hours. Once, I even saw them put a woman in a pit full of snakes. Not poisonous ones, of course, but still! It was explained to me, that since something like that would make a sane person mad, it might make a mad person sane. Guess what? It didn’t. Now, some of the patients were actually lunatics, others were just dummies like Ike or simply inconvenient. But I wouldn’t even put a rabies-infected dog in a place like that.”
Mother Helen sighed. Her eyes looked very sad.
“But surely there must be places that aren’t like that?”
“Does it really matter?” Sister Martha was calm now, she had gotten the worst part out of her system. “They’re all for mad people, and he’s not mad, whatever else he may be. Everything he’s done has a sane and logical explanation.” She smiled. “And he’s quite a brave kid, too, isn’t he?”
Mother Helen sat silent for a minute. Then she looked up and said:
“Ruth, I’d like a word alone with you. The rest of you can get back to your duties.”

As sister Martha left, she noticed someone trying to hide in a corner. She stopped and waited for the others to pass by, before she started to speak.
“Hello, Buck”, she said. “You haven’t by any chance been eavesdropping, have you?”
The boy came out of his hidingplace. His dark eyes were very big, and his entire appearence seemed shook up. “They’re not really going to send Ike away, are they?” he asked. “To one of those places you described?”
Sister Martha sighed and sat down on a bench. Buck sat down beside her and watched her closely.
“No, I don’t think so”, she said. “Mother Helen doesn’t have the heart to do that - especially not over sister Ruth’s dead body.” She laughed a little. “Have you ever seen a sparrow bite a hawk?”
He frowned. “No.”
“I have. Just then and there. What a lovely sight it is!” She laughed to herself. “She has surprised me so much lately that I think I wouldn’t think it odd if she threw the veil away and joined the army! At least not if there was someone she could protect with it. Just the way she treated those bullies who beat you up; they were twice as big as her and she treated them as if they were five years old.”
Buck watched her thoroughly, as if he tried to find something in her face.
“How did you know about that? You weren’t there.”
“I know everything!” She grinned. “No. Thing is - and this is a secret, we don’t want you children to know - that we watch you a lot, from the window in the teacher’s room on the third floor.”
“So you saw what happened?”
“It was beautiful!”
“Beautiful!?” Buck’s voice was indignantly raised, then he thought for a moment. “Oh. You mean Ruth.”
“Actually, I was referring to you two. I’ve never seen anyone be beaten up with such dignity! Especially you.” She stroke his cheek. It was the first time she touched him, and the gesture was affectionate. “And then Ike throwing himself into it.” The smile never left her face. “I told Ruth you were just like a couple of Celtic warriors.”
“What’s Celtic?”
“Oh.” That forced her to think. “Have you read any European history yet?”
He shook his head, but then he nodded. “We just got started on the Romans.”
“Romans? Okay. Yes, I can get them into this. Is it Joan you’re having?”
“Mhm.” He didn’t seem too pleased at this, and she laughed at his resentful face.
“Poor thing. Anyway, has she told you that the Romans were conquerers - fought people and tried to get more land?”
“Yes.”
“Well, some of those people they fought were Celts. As with most conquered people, they died or left or took over Roman ways. But not in Ireland! In Ireland they stayed strong for hundreds of years, even if after a while they
abandoned their religion and became Christians.”
She was silent for a while and he said: “And then what?”
“Well, they were beaten after a while. The English took over, and that’s the way it is. But every true Irish man or woman remembers the fact that the Celtic heroes of our stories are our own ancestors, and that our language is
their language, too.”
“English?” Buck was fascinated.
“Oh, no! The rich speak English, but I’m from a poor family. Sure we spoke English when we had to, but… I’ll let you in on a secret.” She leant towards him. “The rich are weaklings. They have forgotten their Celtic heroes and
want to be English.”
“But you speak English now.”
“This is America! If I spoke Irish, nobody would understand me!”
“Hm.” They watched each other - he very serious, she still laughing a little.
“So it’s a compliment, then, being a Celtic warrior.”
“Most definitely.” Her thoughts went otherwise, and she stared at mother Helen’s door, as if that could make it open. “What on earth is taking them so long?”
“We could always…” His eyes met hers, and she didn’t object. They sat down on the stone floor with their ears pressed against the door.

“…It seems from what you’ve said that you’re very attached to the boy.”
“I am.” Sister Ruth’s voice was half-choked. She hadn’t been able to stop herself from crying. “I can’t explain it, sometimes a child is simply different.”
“Mhm. But would you be willing to take personal responsibility for him? Meaning that you keep a good eye on him, and the next time anything happens, I’ll turn to you.”
“Yes.” The answer came almost before mother Helen had stopped talking.
“Good! Then we won’t have to discuss this any further.”
Buck grabbed Martha’s hand very hard.
“She made it!” he whispered, and she nodded happily at him. Then the door opened, and they were pushed aside.
“Honestly, Martha”, said sister Ruth, but couldn’t help smiling. The two sinners rose, embarrassed but giggling. Sister Ruth turned to leave. Then she stopped when Buck called her name.
“Sister Ruth?”
She turned back. “Yes?”
He wanted to say “thank you”, but the words seemed inadequate. Instead, he said:
“If they had taken Ike away, it would have been over my dead body, too.”
She smiled and took his chin in her hand.
“Stop listening at the doors!” she said. Her eyes turned to sister Martha.
“And that goes for you, too.”

Sister Ruth had gone through Jane Austen’s authorship with the oldest pupils and written quite a lot on the blackboard. When she was wiping it out after the class had left, there was a knock on the door.
“Come on in!” she said, and when the door opened she turned to see who entered. Her face lit up at the sight of Buck and Ike.
“Hi boys”, she said. “What gives me the pleasure?”
“We want…” started Buck, and then changed his choice of words. “Ike wants you to teach him things.”
She raised her eyebrows, and Buck hurried to continue.
“You see, he’s not really a dummy like they think he is. But if they won’t even have him in the classroom, how can he ever learn anything?”
This caught sister Ruth’s attention.
“What do you mean, they won’t have him in the classroom?” Her eyes focused on Ike, who motioned for Buck to continue.
“Well, he had two teachers when he first started and none of them tried to teach him anything. One of them beat him up all the time, so he didn’t go to her classes. The other one wasn’t too bad, but he got into a fight with one
of the other boys and she told him to leave and not come back.”
Sister Ruth looked at the boys, very puzzled.
“How do you know all those things?”
This made Ike grin widely, and he signed: <<I told him.>> Buck grinned back at him and said:
“He says he told me.”
Sister Ruth was intrigued. “What, with his hands?”
“It’s hand signs”, explained Buck. “Indians use them to communicate between the tribes.”
“Oh my God…” A smile flickered over her lips. “Buck, you’re an angel. You know that? Headstrong and heathen as you may be, you’re still an angel.”
“I knew them, he needed them. There’s nothing else to it.”
“Oh isn’t it?” She looked carefully at Ike and answered his grin. “I’m so happy for you, child.” Her hand softly caressed his cheek.
He signed: <<Please teach me.>> Sister Ruth’s eyes turned to Buck for a translation.
“He asks you to teach him.”
Ike frowned and repeated the <<please>>.
“Well, okay then. He asks you to please teach him.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to…” Sister Ruth looked troubled. “But I’m not that sort of teacher.”
“He can learn, easily”, Buck assured her. “He’s learned lot of signs just since we made friends. I’m not even a teacher.”
“But I teach literature! I haven’t taught a beginner in many years, and I was never very good at it. Couldn’t you ask sister Bridget?”
Ike shook his head firmly and signed while Buck translated:
“He says you’re his friend and he wants you to do it.” Buck shrugged. “We’ve discussed this, and it seems it’s you or no one. He doesn’t trust anybody else. Not that I blame him.”
“No…” Sister Ruth still looked uncertain. Buck reminded her:
“You promised to take care of him.”
“What I promised was… Yes. That was what I promised, more or less.” She thought for a moment. “Alright, I’ll do it. But on one condition.” She looked at Buck. “You’ll have to teach me those wonderful signs.”

So sister Ruth asked sister Martha for a primer. The other nun gave it to her without questions, which she was ardently grateful for. She wasn’t ready to defend her course of action just yet. In starting the tutoring, she realised what sister Bridget had meant about “the cat sat in the hat”. It felt absurd - no, insulting - to use pathetic sentences like that to a boy of Ike’s age, but that was what was written in the book, and she didn’t know what else to do. Ike seemed too eager to learn to care, though, but the cynical smile that Buck sometimes got when he was listening made her embarrassed and unhappy. She hadn’t asked to do this, they had come to her. It wasn’t like she had written the blessed thing herself. This particular day she questioned Ike on some words. She had had a rotten
day and felt sulky, awkward and feverish.
“Ring”, she said, trying not to look at Buck. “Thing. Sing. Wing. Bring. Cling.”
She waited for Ike to stop writing, and when he looked up she said: “Are you finished?”
He nodded, and she went to take a look.
“Not bad. You still write S the wrong way, though.” She opened a book and
lay it on his desk. “See? Work on that.”
Her tone was so short that Buck asked her:
“Are you okay?”
She sighed and sat down on a desk.
“No. I’m sorry… Why don’t we just call it a day, boys. Come back tomorrow.”
The boys rose, uncertain, and moved towards the door. Then Ike stopped, turned to sister Ruth and signed:
<<Thank you.>>
“For what?” she asked. She certainly didn’t feel like a benefactor today.
<<Everything.>>
“Everything? Now that’s something I’m not in charge of.”
She tried to laugh, but she was too tired to give it any mirth. He hugged her, gently. The last time it had been a violent, impulsive act of gratitude; now it was friendly, and surprisingly encouraging. He drew back so that she could see his signs.
<<Thank you for teaching me.>>
“Well, that’s just your right. It should have been done years ago.”
<<And defending me.>>
“What?” She didn’t understand and turned to Buck for translation, which he gave in a low tone of voice. Her bad mood alarmed them. Ike hesitated and didn’t know how to continue. He tried to explain to Buck what he wanted to say, but the other boy was puzzled.
“Your sister’s… what? Plaits? No… Oh, ribbon?”
Sister Ruth raised her head. “The ribbon? It belonged to your sister?”
Ike nodded, his eyes filled with tears. She wiped them away and looked at his face with great concern.
“Ike? What happened to her?”
His single sign was very expressive, and Ruth nodded thoughtfully.
“She died.”
<<They were all murdered. By outlaws.>>
Sister Ruth didn’t get the entire sentence at first, and when she did, it struck her like a blow.
“Good Lord!” she whispered. She held the boy close to her thin body and mumbled the first thing that came to mind: “’Their blood have they shed like water round about Jerusalem; and there was none to bury them…’” She couldn’t
remember the next verse and turned to another: “’Why standest thou afar off, O Lord? Why hidest thou thyself in times of trouble?” Suddenly she stopped and turned away, staring at the blackboard incapable of reading its white
chalky letters.. “It’s written all over”, she said, bitterly, “I just didn’t pay attention. The Lord said: ‘See, I will take the vain girls, and the mean girls, and I will fulfill their dreams. But you I will lock into a nunnery.’ And the Lord
said: ‘Well, what did you expect? Life isn’t fair!’ But maybe the Lord had some compassion, because he spoke again and said: ‘But there are others I have done wrong. People have gotten grief when they deserved joy, persecution when they deserved honour. I give them to you. Love them when nobody else will. And remember that every single one of them is me, so don’t you dare relax for a minute!’” She sank down to the floor, crying. “Oh, Martha”, she sobbed.
The boys looked at her, shocked. They were used to her bursting into tears, she was good at that, but not like this.
<<I just wanted her to feel better>> Ike signed unhappily.
“Seems to have been the wrong method”, answered Buck. “Come on, let’s leave her alone.”
They left the classroom and as they hurried through the corridors they opened every classroom door to see who was in there, causing quite a lot of alarm. Finally, they found sister Martha. She looked very surprised when they burst in.
“Sister, you have to come at once!” said Buck. “Sister Ruth has got some sort of breakdown.”
Sister Martha turned to her pupils.
“Alright, children, take some papers and colours. When I come back I want each one of you to have made a pretty painting.”
She followed the boys outside and closed the door.
“What classroom?” she asked.
“Last one on the left.”
She looked down the corridor and nodded.
“I’ll take care of this, you just go back to you classes.”
As she hurried down the corridor, Ike couldn’t help grinning.
<<What classes?>>
“Well, I’m supposed to have mathematics right now, wanna go there? No?
Actually, me neither. Come on, we’ll think of something to do.”

When sister Martha found her friend a crying puddle on the floor she stood silently for a minute, and then she went up to her and shook her gently.
“Come on, pull yourself together”, she said, but sister Ruth just kept crying.
“Stop that right now or I’ll hit you!” sister Martha warned her. “Okay, one, two three!”
The slap was pretty hard and knocked sister Ruth back to her senses. She looked at the other nun with red eyes.
“Life sucks”, she said sulkily.
“Now she finds out!” exclaimed sister Martha and rose her arms. “Why do you think we’re all waiting for heaven?”
“I don’t want to go to heaven. I hate God.”
“Don’t be silly, you can’t hate God.” Sister Martha sat down next to her and laughed. “What’s wrong?”
“Everything.” She sat up straight. “Why does everything work out fine for the really bad people, and the good people get the dumps?”
“Does it really? Always?” sister Martha teased her.
“Oh, shut up.”
Sister Ruth sat silently, staring out at nothing. Finally, sister Martha moved closer to her friend and with a gentle caress she asked:
“What happened? You seem to have shook up those boys.”
“How anything can shake them up anymore is beyond me”, answered sister Ruth. Then she added, to answer the question: “Nothing happened, really. Nothing that hadn’t happened already. I just… I don’t feel very well today.”
“Headache?”
“A little.”
Sister Martha removed sister Ruth’s veil and rubbed her head, the fingers slowly moving through the cropped hair. After a while, sister Ruth sighed deeply.
“Why am I here?” she asked. “Why are they here? Why can’t we just have normal lives? Families?”
“Do you honestly think…” Sister Martha paused, and then continued: “God doesn’t have some model that is ‘mankind’, that everyone must be like. A normal life, what is that? A man, is that what you want? But they can’t
solve everything. Maybe if you had married some man, later, when that blind love had settled, he’d turn out to be really awful. And you’d still have to live with him for the rest of your life.”
“Children…”
“You have children.”
“They don’t really want me. Not me. They shold be with their mothers, but that can’t be, because for some reason… people can just walk into other people’s houses and kill everyone for money or worldly possessions. And I don’t know what to do about it. I can’t bring back what they lost, or make them whole…”
“Those two? They’re the wholest people I know.” Sister Martha smiled. “You little fool, is it them or yourself you’re feeling sorry for?”
Sister Ruth closed her eyes, painfully.
“Oh God, what a terrible person I am.”
“Ah. Yourself, then. Listen to me. First of all, you’re a wonderful person, and I think you know that. Second, if you try to put the weight of the world on your shoulders, it’s no wonder if you start pitying yourself. That’s not your job. If you and I stick together”, she put her arm around sister Ruth’s shoulder, “maybe we can do a few good deeds around here, though.”
Sister Ruth looked at her, astonished.
“Stick together?”
“Sure. Hey, silly, I love those boys, too. But that won’t change anything. They will be hurt, sooner or later. The world is pretty mean to what it doesn’t understand. We’ll just do our best and not carry too much weight.”
The last words were spoken in a theatrical whisper. She helped sister Ruth rise and put back her veil.
“Feeling better?”
Sister Ruth nodded, and sister Martha started to leave, after a final pat on the cheek. Then she turned back and asked:
“What were you doing, anyway?”
“I’m…” Sister Ruth hesitated, but couldn’t not tell the truth. “I’m teaching Ike the basics.”
“Ouw!” Sister Martha shook her head and clicked her tongue reproachingly. “No wonder you’re feeling down!”
Sister Ruth immediately turned into a hedgehog. A very spiny, biting hedgehog.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Well, no offense, but it seems like a waste of time.”
“I thought you said you loved him?”
“I also said man isn’t made from one model! Do you think I can’t love him because he’s retarded?”
“He’s not retarded!”
“Ruth…”
“He’s not! He’s just never been given a chance!”
Sister Martha leaned back and looked thoughtfully at her friend.
“What you’re just saying is the complete opposite to what more than a dozen nuns with just as much experience as you have been saying for almost six years.”
“Maybe. But I’m right.”
Sister Ruth was pale and resolute. Sister Martha, on the other hand, looked like Christmas was at hand.
“Care to bet on that?”
“What?” Sister Ruth shook her head in disbelief, but sister Martha just smiled.
“I bet five washing-ups that you can’t teach him what you could teach an average kid of thirteen.”
Sister Ruth looked firmly into the other nun’s eyes.
“Twenty that I can.”
“Twenty?” Sister Martha raised an eyebrow, and at this moment she looked just like a woman of somewhat less virtue. “Can you take that many dirty dishes?”
“Can you?”
“Then twenty it is. I’ll expect results in six months.”
Sister Ruth nodded in agreement.
“And sister Bridget will be the judge.”
“Bridget? Why?”
Sister Martha shrugged.
“Who else? That sort of stuff is her job. Or would you rather have Joan?”
She grinned.
“Of course not”, said sister Ruth, rather impatiently. “But… well, you know, then we have to tell her.”
“So? If you’re right, everybody ought to know. And if you’re not… she’s not the kind who goes taddling.”

Part 3

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