Lou could still feel his kiss on her lips as she sank down onto one of the empty bunks.  When he'd paused at the door before leaving, her heart had hoped Kid would follow her inside, but he hadn't.  She touched her lips gently, closing her eyes against the pain that seared through her.  The emptiness that had filled her for so long, the loneliness she felt even here amongst family, it had been gone for those brief moments they'd kissed.  Her lips were still slightly swollen from Anderson's abuse, and Kid had been as gentle as always, not hurting her but letting her glimpse his longing for her.  It had been the revelation that he wanted her that had caused her to look at him in shock, not any desire for him to stop.

She knew she'd hurt him that day over a year ago in the shed, but she'd naively thought that it'd be like their other arguments.  After a day or two of ignoring each other or saying hurtful things they didn't mean, it'd blow over, apologies would be made and they'd go on from there.  But that didn't happen.  He'd moved on with a woman who was so much...more than Louise could ever be--more ladylike, more beautiful.  To top it all off, Samantha was Southern as well and could understand his sense of honor and pride, his black and white world, so much more than Lou.  Compared to her, Louise felt like the grubby street urchin she'd been before joining the Express.  The blue eyes that used to light up when she walked into a room showed only pain when they met her own.

When Louise could no longer take the pity that shown in the eyes of the people she called family, she'd done what she always did when she was hurting:  she ran away.  She'd returned now and, as she'd feared, Kid was everywhere:  at the station, at Teaspoon's office, across the aisle from them at church on Sundays, in the memories that haunted her waking and sleeping hours, in the face of her son as he slept.  That afternoon, they'd fallen into the old habit of kissing goodbye so easily and it scared her to death that she hadn't wanted him to stop, that she wanted to open herself back up to him.  Even if Laura was out of the picture, he'd hurt her and she'd hurt him and Louise wondered if they'd ever be able to get back to where they were before.

So, she sat staring out the window as the sun set, life moving on without her as she continued to ponder what had happened only minutes before.    

 
  Oh, God what was I thinking, Kid thought.  He'd revealed way too much of what was going on in his head.  What is goin' on in my head, he asked himself.  You're fallin' for her all over again, that's what's goin' on.  It hadn't been so bad when everything had happened in his dreams and thoughts, but now he 'd acted on how he felt and it was a whole different story.  He'd kissed a woman who was not his fiancee and he knew he should at least be feeling guilty over it, but strangely enough he didn't.  What he regretted was tipping his hand to Lou and seeing the confusion in her eyes as they'd parted, not the kiss itself.

The kiss.  It had been an automatic gesture on his part, something that had felt so right and natural at the
time.  They'd parted the same way hundreds of times in the past before he'd head out on a run.  It had felt
so good just to touch her again for real instead of in his dreams that he couldn't help himself.  When she'd
kissed him back, it had taken everything he had not to deepen the kiss or pull her closer.  That would've
really confused us both, he thought wryly.  Kid frowned as he thought about the shock and surprise in her
eyes as the kiss had ended.  Maybe Lou regrretted the kiss, he thought darkly.

 

Laura Wilson sat in the front parlor of her parents' house, letting her anger stew as she impatiently awaited her very tardy fiance's arrival.  She knew where he was, the same place he was nearly every afternoon:  with that McCloud hussy.  I wouldn't be surprised if she was out there "entertaining" each and every one of those boys, Laura thought bitterly.

She'd watched as Kid spent more and more time with Louise, the two of them getting closer and closer as
they rediscovered their friendship.  Laura had watched the looks pass between them when they met on the
street, watched the slight touches, the way he held Louise's hand, the way his eyes lit up and he listened
intently at the mere mention of her name, felt the tension of repressed desire surging between them.

She'd been there, watching with interest as rich, handsome ranch owner Tom Anderson offered to "keep" Louise right there in front of Thompkins' dry goods store.  Louise couldn't cover the shame, guilt, and horror in her eyes before Laura saw it.  That initial reaction, Laura knew instinctively, had been a knowing one.  It was different from the shocked and offended reaction that most women would have had.  Louise had personally felt the pain of Anderson's sexual implications.  In the next moment, the small woman's eyes and demeanor had hardened and she'd made it quite certain in front of half the town that she'd never touch Tom Anderson with a ten foot pole.  However, it was then that Laura decided to implement a plan to sever Kid's ties to Louise once and for all and Tom Anderson would help her do it.

Laura remembered how exciting it'd been to sneak out of her parents' house and ride out to Anderson's
ranch to present herself and the plan she'd conceived.  The rancher was a man who lived by his impulses,
she knew and Laura was willing to do anything to get rid of Louise--anything.  Anderson met her clad only
in his trousers, his chest and feet bare and she'd presented the plan to him in the intimate warmth of his den.

Being there with the casually good looking, rich rancher with his male arrogance and gruff ways had excited
something further in her.  When he'd asked what was in it for him if he helped her, she'd very willingly
appealed to his baser needs and given him a sample of his reward in a long, lusty kiss.  Anderson hadn't
been satisfied with that and had pushed for more than a kiss and a little groping.  Laura had surprised herself
and him by giving him what he wanted, reveling in the way he'd taken her forcefully, not allowing her weak
protests to stop him.

Part of the reason she was so jealous of Louise was that Lou had shared Kid's bed when he always
stopped Laura's caresses just when things were heating up leaving her frustrated with desire.  He claimed he
didn't want to sully her honor, but he'd done worse by fathering a child with that woman.  It was a genuine
affront to her womanhood and her sexuality.  True, she wasn't an innocent when it came to lovemaking, but
that just made it worse when even her better tricks and ploys had failed.

So, her affair with Anderson had progressed with them meeting regularly to "discuss" the plan. There was
no real love between them, it was merely a matter of lust and need, but they both understood that.  In one
of those long mother-daughter talks, Mrs. Wilson had explained to her already deflowered daughter that
love and sex were two different things, especially for men.  Men slept with their wives for one reason and
that was to conceive children.  They found their satisfaction outside of the home and if a woman were
discreet and careful so could she.  Laura knew that her mother spoke from experience in both arenas as
both the cheater and the one cheated on.

She knew that Maria had seen her sneak out a few times and it would work for her in the next phase of the
plan.  Once she told her family about her little surprise, her father'd make Kid marry her, and, knowing
Kid's honor he'd do it without complaint.  Then she'd have the best man in town to meet her needs for
adoration, security, and respectability and, with Kid's naive and oblivious nature, she could still keep
Anderson to answer her baser needs.

 

As he approached Sweetwater, Kid realized he'd be late if he stopped at his rooms to completely clean up.  He dismounted in front of the Wilson's house and prayed they'd understand.  Usually they did, but with things between him and Laura being strained, well, who knew.

She was waiting for him on the porch as he walked up the stairs.  Laura wore a navy blue skirt and a plain
white blouse, her hair pinned up tightly on top of her head.  There was a hardness in her green eyes and her
back was ramrod straight.  Seeing her appearance, Kid knew he was in trouble for something.  The way
Laura wore her hair was a good indicator of her mood.  When it was down or held back loosely, she
typically was in a very good and often playful mood.  No softness to her hairstyle, meant no softness to
Laura.

Kid smiled anyway, hoping to charm her into a better mood, as he stepped close to kiss her.  "Hi,
sweetheart," he said cheerfully.

"You're late," she said tightly.  She turned her head so that his kiss landed on her cheek instead of her lips.
As he moved away, she caught a whiff of something foreign on him.  Laura's eyes narrowed as she looked
at him, trying to discern what it was she'd smelled.

He could see the suspicion in her eyes, and Kid felt a sudden pang of something akin to fear, or guilt, he
wasn't sure.  His mind replayed the kiss he'd shared with Lou not half an hour earlier.  She couldn't possibly
know about that, he decided, so it must be something else.  "Laura, I'm sorry.  The time just slipped by and
before I knew it...." he apologized.

"You were with her all afternoon weren't you?" Laura asked, already sure of the answer.  That was when it
clicked.  She leaned slightly closer and sniffed.  Roses, or more precisely someone's rose scented soap!
Laura only ever used jasmine, the same as her mother.  She felt like slapping Kid then and there.  He'd
done more than fix her house, she was sure of it now!

Kid looked at her confusedly as she stared at him coldly.  "Look, sweetheart, Tom Anderson came out to
Silverbirch today and threatened Lou and I just didn't feel right leavin' her like that," he admitted, beginning
to panic slightly beneath her suspicious glare.  "That's why I'm late."

Inwardly, she smiled.  So Tom did step up the game, she thought.  I told him it might help.  However, the knowledge of her own plans with Anderson, and maybe a touch of guilt over the deception they'd begun
almost two months ago, didn't erase her anger over the fact that Kid and that woman were growing closer
by the day.  Laura knew they were treading on thin ice.  She'd hoped the verbal and written threats Tom
had sent Louise McCloud's way would unnerve her enough to send her packing.  Laura'd seen the wary
looks Louise gave Anderson and knew instinctively that the woman hadn't run to Kid for help, which would
have been Laura's worst nightmare knowing Kid's knight-in-shining-armor tendencies.  She had the dreadful
feeling that all it would take would be one word and Kid would abandon her to help Louise.  Soon enough,
though, Laura was going to drop the bombshell that would clinch Kid into her llife for good.

Despite her own deception, she couldn't stand the thought of sharing any part of Kid with any other
woman.  But wait Laura, she told herself.  You'll definitely lose him if you nag at him so suspiciously.  Better
to make him think you don't know and continue with the plan, she decided.  Her eyes softened suddenly
and she dropped her head in mock disappointment.  "Of course, you couldn't leave her alone," Laura said
softly.  "We were just going to go over the guest list this afternoon anyway."

He nearly laughed aloud in relief.  That's what she was so angry about!  Kid put his hands on her shoulders
and kissed her hair.  "Oh, gosh, Laura, I'm so sorry, honey," he apologized sincerely.  "I completely forgot
about it.  I promise I'll make it up to you."

She sniffed and looked up at him, her eyes moist.  "That's alright.  We'll just do it another time.  Maybe
tomorrow afternoon," Laura suggested hopefully.  Usually when she could make him feel guilty, he was so
apologetic that he'd do anything she asked to make it up to her.

Kid sighed, knowing what she was doing--trying to manipulate him out of spending Easter with his son.
"Laura, we already talked about this.  I'm having dinner tonight and going to church with you and your
parents tomorrow morning so that I can spend the afternoon with Lexi," he insisted.  "I thought you
understood how important it is to me that I help him celebrate his first Easter."

"But he's just a baby," Laura cried, momentarily losing her control.  "He won't even remember it!"

"But I will."

"All I understand is that that woman and her bastard son mean more to you than I do," she said,
melodramatically turning her back on him.

Kid turned her back around angrily, his frustration, confusion, and anger regarding the whole situation
causing him to lose his normally well-controlled temper.  "God, I hate it when you do that," he growled.
"Don't dismiss me like I'm the hired help around here.  Tomorrow is not up for discussion, understand that!
And secondly, don't you ever call my son a bastard."

"I don't have to stand here and take that kind of abuse from anyone!"  Laura grabbed her skirt in her hands
and rushed down the steps.

"Where are you goin'?" Kid asked.  "I thought we were havin' dinner."

She turned and glared at him with an imperious toss of her head.  "I'm going to Caroline's," she replied.
"What do you care?  I know what you two do out there together.  I can smell her all over you."  The tears
that suddenly came to Laura's eyes were real, her fear that she'd lose him coming to the forefront.  I can't
lose him, she thought stubbornly.

Suddenly, she ran back up the steps and wrapped her arms around his neck, laying her head on his
shoulder.  "It doesn't matter to me though!  I know men have needs.  You can do what you want with her
as long as you tell me you love me, even if it's a lie," she cried.  Laura sighed inwardly in relief as his arms
came around her to hold her.  He'd bought the dutiful lover masquerade hook, line, and sinker.

Kid just wanted to fall right off the face of the earth, almost wishing God to strike him dead then and there.
You are the scum of the earth, Travis, he told himself.  Now, he felt guilty, regretting the kiss he'd shared
with Lou, seeing it as a betrayal of Laura, even as he felt he was betraying Lou by holding Laura and
allowing his heart to soften toward her.  It wasn't that he was confused about who he wanted.  He wanted
to be with Lou so bad he could taste it, but he still loved and cared for Laura and couldn't stand seeing her
so tortured.  The guilt weighed heavily on him as well as the need to be honest with her.

"You, uh, smell her because I....  Well, I kissed her," Kid admitted.  "But that was all!  Lou and I are good
friends and we share a bond that will always be there because of the baby, but we don't feel that way about
each other anymore."  At least she doesn't feel that way about me, he thought glumly, forcing away the unbidden image of Louise passionately kissing Danny Keaggy.

"Just a kiss?" Laura sniffed, lifting her head from his shoulder.  Her eyes glimmered with happiness.  "Why
that's nothin', Kid," she said with a smile.  "It's like one dance."

Kid bit his lip, trying to block out the automatic, sensual memories that surfaced.  One dance--dancing with
Lou for the first time out behind the town hall; that first sweet, serious kiss; "dancing" with her that first
incredible time at Redfern station, his untutored hands and lips instinctively discovering each thing that made
her gasp or squirm in silent pleasure.

No, no, no, no, no!  Think about somethin' else, his rational side commanded.  He thought of Katy who stood tethered to the hitching post, and banished the other thoughts away.  Unable to reply, he let Laura kiss him before she linked her arm through his and ushered him inside for dinner.

 

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